C

New Beginnings

My entire life I always loved new beginnings. I always looked forward to new school years or starting new jobs. I always felt like I had the opportunity to reinvent myself. I was always looking to reinvent myself because deep down I really just hated who I was.

Every single new beginning I would start anew with the best of intentions. I wanted to be organized, socialable, get In a little better shape, and of course popular. However, without fail, I would always revert back to my old ways….and hate myself a little more. Once again, I failed.

Knowing what I now know, I was going about this all wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a better version of myself, but I had failed to bring God into the equation. First and foremost, there was no way I was going to sustain change with out a power greater than myself. This I learned from working step one. I need help. Plain and simple.

My next problem was me trying to decide how I was going to change. Truth is, if I need to ask god for help, then I do not really get to tell God how I want to be changed. God is not a genie. Nor is God a smorgasbord. I don't get to pick and choose in which ways to improve (or which character defects are removed).

So here I am again ready for change but my perspective has completely changed. First, I don't need a significant time or event. God is ready whenever I am. I'm excited for whatever God has in store for me. I am completely open and ready for however God wants to change me, I have let go of any ideas of how I future me should be. All I know for certain is that God will change me for the better (even if it involves some bumps along the way). Instead of aiming for successful, smart, healthy and funny I am going to aim for usefulness to God and me fellows.

-C

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