Z

First Things First

I blankly stared at this slogan many times hanging on the walls in meeting places over the years: First Things First.

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I had really never taken the time to even give it a thought until recently. I feel like the simple answer is that it is telling me to keep my sobriety and my program first. But what does that mean?

If I take it back to the beginning, it meant just getting my butt to a meeting. I needed to make time for them no matter what, no matter where! It meant making time to call my sponsor, and it meant doing my step-work. Today, it still means all those things, but it feels different.

My higher power just keeps popping it my head. First things first Z. First things first. The thought is fluent throughout my day, and it is causing me to constantly re-prioritizing my tasks. Also, it has me acknowledging that I am well overdue for a morning routine change.

The morning routine is my nemesis. Seriously. This is my confession.

I don’t even really think you can call what I have a morning routine. I pop out of bed, drag myself to the shower, fix my hair, throw clothes on, pack my lunch (AND COFFEE!), saddle up the doggies, and run out the door. I’m out the door 35 minutes after opening my eyes.  Sadly, this is somewhat improved, especially from my drinking days. It is effective, but it is not fulfilling me spiritually. I KNOW IT!

I feel the pull to bring things into my morning time that are critical to my self care and my recovery. I am sure this “pull” I feel is my higher power. I have felt it for some time now, and I am not ignoring it. I make weak attempts to make my bed time earlier, but I don’t really commit. I set the alarm, but I hit the snooze. I even recruit helpers, and I end up just ignoring them or telling them to buzz off.

Now, I feel like I’m paraphrasing the section about all the ways we tried to control our drinking from the big book. This tells me that I am powerless over enhancing the situation.  The one thing I know that is full-proof and effective in changing my behavior is turning it over to my higher power. So, here goes as I pray for the willingness to be willing to put my first things FIRST!

-Z

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