I am becoming more aware of my pride recently. A few weeks ago at a step meeting we read step 4 and this jumped out at me:
It is not be accident that pride heads the procession. For pride, leading to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious or unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress…Both pride and fear beat him back every time he tries to look inside himself. Pride says, “You need not to look this way”…
There is still a lot of me that does not want to look at a lot of my character defects if I am honest. My room is a mess, I don’t want to pack my lunch, and my laundry is sitting in my dryer. I can be intolerant, judgy, and short. I am often selfish, only thinking of my problems rather than focusing on others. I am far from where I started, but I also have a ways to go (and I always will!).
Today we read step 6:
But when we face up to the less violent aspects of these defects, then where do we stand?…Let’s dispose of what appears to be a hazardous open end we have left…such a bluffing of oneself will have to the way of many another pleasant rationalization…
OMG, MY PRIDE. I never put to two together before. Every single rationalization or balking at step work is my pride leaking out. Every time I have rested on my laurels, or coasted in my program is when my Pride starts to rage out of control. That pride is a sneaky guy. Pride is me telling God “I got this” and therefore me not practicing step 3. Pride is the rationalization that I know what’s better for my life rather than God. Whoa.