Alcohol does not stop me from many things in life these days. So when a good (normie) friend invited me to her birthday party, I of course said “Yes!” I’ve been friends with said friend for over a decade and despite our different lifestyles, I wanted to be there for her birthday.
This birthday party (as many normie parties do) involved some alcohol. Pizza first then LOTS of drinking. I knew this going into the party, and went prepared with a plan. I made sure I drove my own car (escape plan) and already planned ahead of time to leave after the pizza portion and before the drinking got out of control.
So I went to the party, had a blast and ate some pizza. What I wasn’t expecting was how intoxicating the ‘party’ can be even without alcohol. When the drinking started, I didn’t immediately leave as planned. The drinking wasn’t bothering me, everyone was very welcoming, and we were jamming to a sweet 90’s playlist. Pretty quickly my disease started talking. Oh wow, this was just like my drinking days. I had so much fun, this is what your missing out, remember the good days? This took about a whole 20 minutes. My disease works FAST.
Then all my good sober training, and God, kicked in. It was a WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE kind of moment. NOPE. Those good days came with a VERY high price including but not limited to failing school, suicide attempts, lost relationships, and a general hatred of myself.
I have lost my privilege to drink; therefore, being around people who are intentionally getting drunk is not a place for me to be. I immediately thanked the birthday girl, and made an exit. As quickly as the desire had come for my drinking days, the desire for my sober life returned.
I have been taught to Think Through The Drink. When my mind thinks drinking is a good idea, or starts romanticing anything related to drinking, I then go through the entire drinking story. Not just stop at the fun times.
I am grateful for reminders like last night from God. Every now and then I need a good reminder that yes indeed, I am still just a drunk. I am not immune from thoughts of alcohol even with many 24 hours under my belt. I went home, thanked God, then went to bed. Today I spent time with God, family, another alcoholic, and went to a meeting. Life is back to it’s wonderful normalcy.