What The Hell Did I Just Do?!?!

Tomorrow will be my last day of work at a job I’ve been at for almost 5 years. I’ve been getting a lot of questions,  “Are you excited for the new job? Are you sad to leave? How are you feeling?” In all honesty, I feel pretty much the same. I unfortunately suffer from ‘Delayed Reaction Syndrome’ (yes I made that up) where it takes me about a week after a major life event and then I freak out and say to myself “What the hell did I just do?!?”     

Let me be even clearer, I am not a spontaneous person. I have this reaction to very planned events. This happened to me after moving back to my home state in early sobriety, after quitting a different job, and after agreeing to move back home to go to school full time. Somehow, (miraculously) my emotions always catch up to me after my feet have already moved. 

Thankfully, I have a program that has taught me how to self evaluate, and therefore know when to expect said reactions. Also, I believe when I make these giant life decisions without reservation this is God doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I usually pray for the strength and courage, and eventually I’ll act without a care in the world. 

Then after, during the “I just did WHAT?!?!” moment, I start questioning God’s plan. Man, how grateful am I? Hey thanks, God for giving me the strength, courage, and direction to make this HUGE move in my life. I mean that seemed so easy, I really couldn’t have done that with out you. Anyhoo, I think I just need to question that miracle  you just preformed for me and have a kiniption about it anyway, because you know, I fear the unknown. I am so silly, I act like a two year old with temper tantrums.

So in realizing as I write this, I am not going to flip out in a week. I refuse to continue to doubt God’s plan for me. And I am 100% positive that includes leaving this job and moving to the next one. Tomorrow I will probably cry, and that’s ok. I will also allow myself excitment for all the new adventures to start next Monday. 


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