I have a job where I work in cube land. My higher power has been surprising me lately by sharing my music selection with all my neighbors. It generally goes something like this, there I am, towering over folks in short cubicles with my standing desk blaring NSYNC from my computer totally embarrassed. This has happened in the recent past for various reasons, faulty head phones, finger slip on the phone, dumb luck. It never fails that it is always a song that I would consider as embarrassing music selection for a grown adult.
As a recovering king baby (ego maniac with an inferiority complex), I struggle with the ego puncturing process that is working the steps and living by a spiritual life. I want to fight against it, so I search for corrective actions allowing me to fix the problem. You better believe I have adjusted my routine to address this little music issue, yet there I was this morning unable to stop the melody of Justin Timberlake and crew. I mean it’s insanity if I keep doing the same thing over and expecting different results, right?
I know it seems trivial to apply steps and spiritual living to this situation, but I am a perfectionist, prideful, people pleasing person. I don’t like feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable, and when I do I turn to something my sponsor has drilled into us. What’s the lesson?
It just so happens that I remembered to say my seventh step prayer this morning. The truth is, if I mean this prayer when I say it, I look at is as signing a one-day contract allowing God use me as is deemed necessary for the day. Perhaps God needed to make me more accessible and human to someone nearby? Maybe I needed to have my ego dismantled to feel just a bit more human today myself – to thine own self be true and all that.
I may never know the real reason, but I can let go and appreciate the humor my God possesses. We laugh a lot together. Just for today, I am a grown adult who likes 90’s pop and I accept that my God thinks it’s important for me to share it.