JUST DON’T QUIT. I cannot tell you how many times I have told myself this. I repeated that phrase to myself over and over while stopping drinking, ciggies, losing weight, graduating from school, painfully long runs (I am NOT a natural runner)… you get the point. See the thing is, I really do not like to do things I do not succeed on my first attempt (shocking, I know). My brain likes to tell me to stop doing something as soon as the going gets tough…and reaffirm my crazy thoughts that I am a failure and therefore not good enough. Well guess what, I also like to prove people (and myself wrong). This combination of characteristics has allowed me to fail, fail some more, fail again, but somehow keep on going.
I had a nice reminder today from Z that some days are going to be hard. Shoot— why hadn’t I thought of that? And on top of that, it is ok to struggle. Not everything is going to be easy, “This Too Shall Pass.” Gotta get through the struggle to reap the rewards.
At the same time, I really need to learn to be gentle with myself. It is really hard to be perfect 100% of the time. The absolute only thing I have managed to do is not drink for 9 years, one day at a time. So in saying that, I have stayed up past my bed time, eaten lots of greasy General Tso’s, gotten B’s in school, lost track of time and turned in an assignment late, not gone to meetings, had my fair share of mental breakdowns, gained lost weight back, moved back home with my parents, broken up with boyfriends, ended friendships, and the list goes on and on and on. Point being, the most important part for me is to tell myself, it is ok, this is just a little hiccup in the road and to keep on going…Just don’t quit…for good. Prove to myself that I am not the failure my disease wants me to be.
Don’t quit before the miracle happens,