I have been working very hard at my job lately. I met challenging deadlines, and I showed up and depleted myself pretty far when I was sick for a few weeks. I came in to check on things Sunday after my vacation, and I recently just jetted off to make an important presentation, which went very successfully.
Today I received a generous award for my recent dedication. No surprise here, but my diseased thinking immediately wants to rationalize, justify ,and whisk away any of my part of contributing to this award. Oh, I don’t work harder than anyone else. Perhaps I just got lucky and they went easy on me. Maybe their standards are just low right now. REALLY?!
It has taken me years of step work and a recent series of readings for me to just recognize that today instead of writing a story, rationalizing, or pushing away, that I needed to allow myself to sit with this moment of celebration. I don’t like embracing things, especially not good ones. It makes me feel vulnerable.
The spiritual principle these kinds of feelings tie back to for me is humility (Step 7). I easily accepted the fact that not being humble meant thinking I was better than the rest. I have struggle through the years to adopt the flip side which is that it is also not humble to think I am less than my worth. This principle is another that demands balance from me. The best definition of humility I have heard in the rooms is that it means being RIGHT SIZED. Not more than. Not less than.
Today, I am grateful that humility is a principle that is part of my program. I am seriously touched by the recognition I received, and THANK YOU GOD (#TYG) that just for today I was able to let it in.