Pessimist, Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy, Fuss Butt, Party Pooper; all phrases that describe my recent lingering attitude about damn near everything. I am aware that I really have no founded intellectual reason to feel this way, yet here I am anxious and writing depressing storylines in my head. I have heard it said that worry is meditation on the negative, and if that’s the case then I am an expert meditator.
Truthfully, it stems from not getting what I want when I want it or what I think I deserve – aka my plan. I feel deserving of ALL THE GOOD THINGS. We have this coffee mug and it says, “Dear Santa. Define Good”. When I really get to challenging my stinking thinking I ask myself questions like, who am I to define “good”? How do I really know what is “bad”? Who made ME powerful enough to form these definitions?
When I got my two DUIs and I was full of so much fear and shame I couldn’t stand myself, I found myself in a very dark place. These “bad” events truly have turned out to be one of the greatest gifts I have received in life because they contributed to getting me sober. So even my bad things can be both good and bad at the same time. Confused yet?
I am learning my attitude is the deciding factor. I may not be powerful enough to “define good”, but I am powerful enough to control my attitude. Also, brace for the super lame (I love lame), but when I put little GR in front of that attitude I get gratitude. When I come from a place of gratitude, and I am open to being content and loving what I have. I find that fundamentally all is well. It takes a lot to knock me off my foundation when I am full of trust and gratitude. It is in this space that I find that my storylines no longer seem like the best options, and they lose their power over me. #TYG