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Turning Points

turningpoints

Recovering from alcoholism and addiction for me has been about change, change, and you guessed it – more change. Change is not something I naturally lean into; it is something that generally requires suggestions from my sponsor, family, or trusted friend. The ONLY recovery related action that I have been consistent about for the last ten years is to not drink and drug one day at a time.

While not a small feat by any stretch, I have recently really come into acceptance that change is just the name of the game.  I can go with it or fight it. All my other “-isms” have been (and will continue to be) a journey with ebbs and flows of leaning into my higher power for guidance and a source of power and taking my will back and running on self propulsion. I cycle through this much more often then I’d like to admit.

First there was booze and drugs, then cigarettes, insert a little workacholism, a dash codependency, a serving of caffeine and sugar addiction, and you have me without a drink and with an ever evolving definition of living in the solution.  Sometimes it feels as if I push one behavior down just for another to pop up. So how do I get ready for the change and how does the change happen?

Really I just I hit a bottom, and my internal GPS indicates that I’m at the jumping off place with a possible turn off. It is on the way here where I develop the willingness necessary to execute the change.

Per usual for an alcoholic and addict like me it all comes down to fear, and I find that my fear and discomfort of staying the same begins to out weigh my fear of the ominous change. It becomes easier to see the opening made by my higher power and go with the change. The price of admission onto this new path is  giving up my control and my plans. This can be a steep price at times if you ask me!

Ultimately, this is what I have come to consider as my practice of turning my life and my will over and of asking for my defects to be removed. It is, all cliches aside, a daily effort which I perform better some days than others.

Anybody else out there have whack-a-mole syndrome when it comes to stinking thinking? Hesitancy about turning it over?  Reach a turning point in your own life?

-Z

2 thoughts on “Turning Points

  1. I like the visual of “whack a mole” :p. I’ve had this conversation with my therapist before , she says I seem to always have on maladaptive coping mechanism going. Now I’m picturing myself hitting most of them with a mallet, but just one popping back up every time. I’ve got no real advice , but I can definitely relate.

    Liked by 1 person

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