New Years Eve can be troublesome for a drunk like me, since it is filled with expectations and champagne. Who will I be with, were am I going, I need to find a sparkly outfit, and who will I kiss at midnight? I am just setting myself up for DISASTER. So for many years, I resigned to working NYE (Hello overtime AND shout out to all my health care workers) trying to make the best of a bad situation. Usually by midnight I was asleep faintly hearing fireworks going off miles away.
This NYE was different, I finally had proper plans, I was going to a wedding. Who, where, sparkly outfit, CHECK (that someone to kiss can come later). I was so excited to finally be able to dress up and have someplace to go and be surrounded by (some) people I know. The night would be booze heavy, but being around alcohol every now and then does not bother me anymore. I have faced almost every situation sober which I used to drink and I can have just as much fun as the drunk person next to me.
Earlier that day, I caught myself saying, “I guess I am excited, but I really do not want to stay up that late.” Let me translate that for you, “I am afraid. I am scared I will not know anyone, that I am going with out a date, and that I will be all alone and have a miserable time.” (Ahem..Bullshit) Now here I am so excited for an evening of fun and the closer I get to it, the more masterfully I start to talk myself out of it. Classic move on my end. I am an absolute genius of talking myself out of anything. Over the years, I have learned to spot my disease coming out in many different ways, and this is definitely one of my greatest hits. I have missed out on a lot of life because I told myself “NO” out of fear. I have also learned over the years to walk though life with my disease telling me to turn around, then to ignore a lot of these thoughts, but more often than not to say ‘suck it’ and have some damn good fun.
I am happy to report I knew a lot of people, I made some new friends, and danced till my feet hurt, then took off my shoes and danced some more. I did not get home till 2 am and did not give a damn how late it was. Cheers to a new year of saying YES and living life despite my fears. Happy 2017 everyone!