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Midnight is SO LATE

New Years Eve can be troublesome for a drunk like me, since it is filled with expectations and champagne.  Who will I be with, were am I going, I need to find a sparkly outfit, and who will I kiss at midnight?  I am just setting myself up for DISASTER.  So for many years, I resigned to working NYE (Hello overtime AND shout out to all my health care workers) trying to make the best of a bad situation.  Usually by midnight I was asleep faintly hearing fireworks going off miles away.

This NYE was different, I finally had proper plans, I was going to a wedding.  Who, where, sparkly outfit, CHECK (that someone to kiss can come later).  I was so excited to finally be able to dress up and have someplace to go and be surrounded by (some) people I know.  The night would be booze heavy, but being around alcohol every now and then does not bother me anymore.  I have faced almost every situation sober which I used to drink and I can have just as much fun as the drunk person next to me.

Earlier that day, I caught myself saying, “I guess I am excited, but I really do not want to stay up that late.”  Let me translate that for you, “I am afraid. I am scared I will not know anyone, that I am going with out a date, and that I will be all alone and have a miserable time.” (Ahem..Bullshit)  Now here I am so excited for an evening of fun and the closer I get to it, the more masterfully I start to talk myself out of it.  Classic move on my end.  I am an absolute genius of talking myself out of anything.  Over the years, I have learned to spot my disease coming out in many different ways, and this is definitely one of my greatest hits.  I have missed out on a lot of life because I told myself “NO” out of fear. I have also learned over the years to walk though life with my disease telling me to turn around, then to ignore a lot of these thoughts, but more often than not to say ‘suck it’ and have some damn good fun.

I am happy to report I knew a lot of people, I made some new friends, and danced till my feet hurt, then took off my shoes and danced some more.  I did not get home till 2 am and did not give a damn how late it was.  Cheers to a new year of saying YES and living life despite my fears.  Happy 2017 everyone!

-C

One thought on “Midnight is SO LATE

  1. You go girl!! I remember one of my first NYE’s alone….I cooked steak and lobster….sat my dear dog Hawk on the table…a bite for me…a bite for him….laughed at this silliness…agot a few kisses from him….and woke up with no hangover…..and…knew where all my clothes were…. a great night!

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